Lady in Waiting: Dearest child

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” (2 Corinthians 11:30)

I want to be confident in my weaknesses to show the strength of where God has brought me from. I do not want to hide my fears, my failures, and weaknesses from anyone. And when I say anyone, most importantly my children. Just last night I was asked by a dear friend—what about when one day your kids read your book and read of your wanderings. I have thought about this multiple times, and even while writing the words I use I am cautious with because one day my kids or friends kids will see what I have written and where I have been on this journey.

I much rather my children know their mother as one that is honest with her weaknesses, and that life is not about masking who we truly are and where we have come from. And one day I look forward to sitting down and having a heart to heart with my children, but until that day I want to write them a letter/poem that will go in their journals. And look forward to the day they open this entry as it will be smothered in prayer for the Lord to speak to their hearts and draw them close to Him.

Dearest child of mine….

You have been with me since the womb.

You have seen me cry, you have seen me hold my head high.

You have seen our family of 4 go to a family of 3 in just your few short years of life.

Mommy is so proud of you, because I see you hold your head high. And I see your eyes sparkle with delight.  You are dearly loved. You are cherished.

You have asked if friends of yours parents live in different homes. You are no fool, you are quite aware of your surroundings.

You laugh when you hurt, and I hurt when I know the laugh.

But mommy wants you to know God is not finished with us yet.

Our home may not look like the rest, but it does not mean this is not Gods best.

The best may yet still to come.

All I know is to show you that through the brokenness God has given me the strength. God has given me grace. God has showered down His love on me each and every day.

“His going out is sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” (Hosea 6:3) 

Mommy has dedicated her life to the steadfast love of God. Where I seek to be swooned by God and not man.

I see the hunger in your eyes for the complete picture of a daddy and mommy. I see how you look at daddies when its the 3 of us.

The prayer that resides within to come alive in your soul….

“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” (Psalm 91:4) 

On days you catch mommy sniffling in the kitchen or in my bedroom, do know these tears are not meaningless. These tears have shaped me. These tears are healing me. These tears I want to share with you; because you are a part of me. These tears are not defeating me; they are giving me strength and wisdom.

When I wake each morning I can not wait to serve you. I can not wait to pray with you. I can not wait to have you follow me to every room. I can not wait to laugh with you. I can not wait to brush you hair. I can not wait to send you off to school to be a light to all you come in contact with.

I am going to mess up today. I will get impatient. Ill probably look at my phone too many times. And I am sorry, and I pray we will always be a family that says sorry when we know we have failed one another. I am sorry you have to share your parents in different homes. I am sorry when I hurt inside and I become irritable.

The love I have for you will only grow stronger. I am always here for you. And I will never leave you. You are my precious gift God gave me to nurture and raise you to know the gospel. I pray in my motherhood each day I live out the gospel, and you remember me as a woman that feared the Lord and trusted the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.

I love you sweet child of mine,

Momma

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I love hearing from you. The messages I get from so many women that are being brave and strong each day encourage me to keep going.

Please share if this speaks to you.

Blessings to you,

Anna


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